Sunday, August 21, 2011

live like we're dying

If you are an overweight person, you are doing exactly this. Living like your dying!! Cuz, essentially, you are. Quickly! One could argue that we are all dying slowing, but an overweight/obese person is dying QUICKLY! One foot in the grave and one foot on a banana peel (or ice cream wrapper, your pick). There are so many things that I have missed out on as a fat person. The thing that bothers me the most is that I don't have the approval of my peers. I have been told that I can't get a job because I am fat, I have not been included in fun activities because I am fat, and I have not been included in wedding parties, because I am fat. So, I continue to live(die) at a steady pace, filling my face with the stuff that actually makes me better momentarily, but makes me dead all that much faster. I have told my teenage son that, should be consider using drugs, I would just put an end of the misery faster and quicker by ending him myself rather than watch him slowly die at his own hands. I guess that makes me a hypocrite because he has been watching me with my addiction, wasting my life, and not enjoying myself. SAME THING!

Why is it that I want to be approved of so badly that I would go to such extremes to get approval, but I won't put that energy into taking care of my health and doing a little exercise? Where did I get the idea that I was entitled to have a vise or addiction in order to live through the stresses of life? I mean, we don't really have to have addictions. But, we do need to eat. When food is your addiction, where does that leave you? It leaves you confused, hurt and angry, and then back to doing the very thing that got your hurt, confused and angry. And, when do I decide to get off this roller coaster ride?

It's really my choice. But society doesn't seem to understand or get it. I think that does prevent me from having positive thoughts at times. However, I have to get it into my thick skull that I can't worry about what society thinks--I have to change how I think. I can't rely on the support of the world to help me with my obesity. Society hates fat people! It's that simple! So, I have to learn to love myself and LIVE despite food and despite the people who hate me.

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