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Arrested Development
By Barb Beck
June 4, 2012
a technical and mental virtuoso out of man, but it also leaves a life-long residue of emotional immaturity in him.
— Erik Homburger Erikson (1902-1994)
It
has come to my attention throughout the last three years, between my personal
journey with weight loss, and through helping others with their journeys that
development and developmental processes are at the fore of what makes us click
as humans. Reading comments in forums, other blog posts, and having random
conversations in support groups have helped me to understand that this topic is
not understood well by the layperson or by the professional alike. Perhaps it
was all those years in school being bored with this topic that prevented me
from seeing it sooner, but I have since established a personal theory (untested
and without any real formative data or an extensive literature review, so not
reliable or valid either) that folks who have struggled with obesity are more
likely to struggle with developmental issues or what others might call issues
of maturation.
Erik
Erikson (1950) stated that there were developmental milestones that were to be
expected at certain ages, barring any out
of the ordinary traumas, circumstances, or situations (emphasis added)
which help adults to their full potential.
Unlike other developmentalists of his time (i.e., Piaget, Vygotsky,
Harlow, etc.) he believed that our jobs as humans was to develop from birth to
death. His stages are: 1. Infancy: Birth to 18 Months - Ego Development
Outcome: Trust vs. Mistrust - Basic strength: Drive and Hope; 2. Early
Childhood: 18 Months to 3 Years -
Ego Development
Outcome: Autonomy vs. Shame - Basic Strengths: Self-control, Courage, and Will;
3. Play Age: 3 to 5 Years -Ego Development Outcome: Initiative vs. Guilt -Basic
Strength: Purpose; 4. School Age: 6 to 12 Years - Ego Development Outcome:
Industry vs. Inferiority -Basic Strengths: Method and Competence; 5.
Adolescence: 12 to 18 Years - Ego Development Outcome: Identity vs. Role
Confusion
Basic Strengths:
Devotion and Fidelity; 6. Young Adulthood: 18 to 35 - Ego Development Outcome:
Intimacy and Solidarity vs. Isolation -Basic Strengths: Affiliation and Love;
7. Middle Adulthood: 35 to 55 or 65 - Ego Development Outcome: Generativity vs.
Self-absorption or Stagnation -Basic Strengths: Production and Care; and, 8. Late
Adulthood: 55 or 65 to Death - Ego Development Outcome: Integrity vs. Despair Basic
Strengths: Wisdom. Thus, despite becoming an adult in the eyes of
society, it might be very clear that one is not developmentally an adult in the
eyes of the psychological world. Each
step or stage is one that a person must master in order to be a full
adult.
Another very interesting personal who discussed
development and how it makes a person into their adult, final selves is Abraham
Maslow (Maslow, 1937). Yes, these
theories are old but they have withstood the tests of time. Maslow believed that one must go through
stages, like Erikson, to achieve full human potential. His stages are as follows: 
Whether
a person believes in either of these two theories on development or any of the
other theories, they have many things in common – people move through stages or
periods of time, conquering certain skills, and depending on how one is
nurtured and what type of natural environment, this person will either develop
on schedule or not. It is the category
of NOTS that I am interested in today.
I
have viewed the developmental states of countless of people in my job, but have
paid very little attention to my own developmental level. I assumed (wrongly, of course, as the saying
goes) that I was plugging along just fine.
But, if I read Erikson’s fourth, fifth and sixth stages, I do believe
that I have somehow arrested my development within these stages. I fluctuate between knowing who I am and
trying to find who I want to be. I have
interiority complexes abound. I feel
very much like I can do it one moment, and then find the confusion so great
that I am immobilized. This is still
true, despite my education, age, and experience in life. Thus, I am still a child who is trying to
figure out who they wish to be and am stuck at about the age where my weight
issues first began. I have had periods
of time where I knew exactly who I was, did not feel inferior and didn’t get
confused about my existence. But, by and
large, I have struggled with these stages.
And
then, whammo! I had weight loss
surgery. There is no doubt in my mind
that those who have worked with the weight loss surgery community from a
psychological perspective know all too well about this volatile period. Erikson’s period of Identity vs. Role
confusion (ages 12 to 18) and Maslow’s period of belongingness and esteem needs
come slamming at us, full speed, forcing us to finally rectify the lack of
development in these areas. Being a
normal weight, our fat and fat persona is no longer one that we can hide behind
and we are forced to develop. But, to
develop, we must flounder, learn from our mistakes, and do things differently
than we ever have done before. Is it
any wonder that the people who know us best in this life are often surprised by
the NEW person that stands before them.
Not to me – I have studied this junk (supposedly in detail -- please
don’t tell Dr. Hicks) and I was still not prepared for the work that it
entails. In fact, I vehemently denied
the fact that I was changing. However, I
am not so ignorant to admit that I was wrong.
Changing is the point. We don’t
go through weight loss surgery to just change the outer being – most of us work
on changing the inner being as well. The
one that feels inferior because she was picked on in school by the cool kids,
cheerleaders or jocks. The boy who was
laughed at for being a little “mama’s boy” and didn’t have a place in this
world that felt safe except for with food.
The 16 year old who was forced to have sex earlier than she wished
because the approval junkie within and her inability to decipher her
inferiority issues as normal developmental issues couldn’t keep her from making
this mistake; each of these people are trying to overcome the developmental
milestones missed as a result of food, food related issues and the normal
propensity of temperament and the environment in which they lived.
So,
while some harken what is going on to a specific stage or time in high school,
I would like to extend the thinking to something more natural. We develop as beings unless something gets in
the way. For many of us, food was in the
way for a long time. Now, we are doing
the things that we would have done if the obstacle wouldn’t have been there. If you have partners, perhaps they should
read this primer and understand that while the behavior is unacceptable it
serves a purpose – reaching the correct developmental stage or perhaps even
self-actualization. I am not writing this with the intent to give
people a free pass on behaviors – because that’s not who I am or what I am
about. I just want people to understand
themselves, and have one theory out there (I am sure someone much more
intelligent than me has written this very same thing in much more cogent and
intellectual manner) that might help others understand why adult people who
seemingly had it all ‘together’ have all of a sudden made decisions that no one
thought possible.
So,
it rests with you. Understand the
developmental issues of people and the goals that all humans are trying to
overcome. Keep striving to get past
those issues and through these developmental stages. But do so knowing that there’s a reason that
isn’t related to being bad, guilty, no good, stupid, inferior or lacking in
some way. You are just trying to get to
the same place everyone else is trying to get….[1][2][3]
[1] Erikson,
E.H. (1950). Childhood & Society. New York: WW Norton and Company.
[3] Harder,
A. (2012). Support for change. Retrieved
from: http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=47&Itemid=108
on June 4, 2012
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